this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
