i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
