put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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