The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize