she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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