I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
