I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
