he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
