only if we run a train.
done.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
