went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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