we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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