Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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