I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
