I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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