Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
