Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i came on her dog
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
