I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
