just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
