hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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