that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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