Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Enjoy the penises
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