I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
