Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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