Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
