whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
