By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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