fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
do herpes really smell.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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