there's paper in my vomit.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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