ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm at about main and main street
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
