I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
