Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
