So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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