I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
