No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
