He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
