i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
