i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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