I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
