this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How does one acquire holy water?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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