Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
