All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
