When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
