last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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