The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
