when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
