A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize