this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
