how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
