Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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