worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
