yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
