at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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