I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
