My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
