God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
