Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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