i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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