We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
