i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
