Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
