I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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