I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize