just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
