I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she was so not down for the gang bang
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
