went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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