I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
