What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Less talking, more tequila
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
