you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
