o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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