ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
