Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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