he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize