I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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