I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
