Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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