thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
