The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
