sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize